Waiting......

October of 2012

Its fall!  The leaves are starting to turn colors, the air is crisp, and the garden is winding down.  The holiday season is upon us and most people are perfectly happy.  I on the other hand and starting to get nervous.  I look forward to Halloween, Thanksgiving and most of all Christmas.  I love celebrating the birth of our Savior, we even make a birthday cake for Jesus.  That is not the problem.  The problem is seasonal depression.  Crippling, aching, empty, fearful depression.  Its hard to imagine now, I have a smile on my face, puppy liking me till I laugh, happy mind set now.  In a few months that will all change.  The happy goes away and I'm left with nothingness.  I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.  I smile, laugh, and enjoy moments, but for the most part there is nothingness.  After 10 years I think I have finally figured a few things out.  First and foremost: Prepare!  I'll share a ton of ideas, as I start prepping.  Second: Come to terms with what is going to happen.  I know its coming, so I just have to accept it.  As horrid as it sounds, accepting that the depression is going to happen helps.  Third:  Do things ahead of time.  When I say things I mean everything humanly possible.  Buy/make Christmas presents and wrap them.  Make waffle mix, cake mix, and bread mixes.  Have things ready so that in those happy moments all you have to do is add a few ingredients here, or a special bow there and the magic can continue.  Even if you don't feel like it you will be able to create happy moments.  That in turn will help with the depression.  Forth: Know what kills your depression.  For me its baking.  The wonderful smells, the smiles on my families face, the pleasure of biting into bread fresh out of the oven. 

I know there is someone out there that is going to say:"See a doctor." or "Go get depression medicine."  Dandy thoughts, and I have done both of those things. Four yes 4 different kinds of depression medicine later.  With none of the working, I have realized that western medicine does not always work.  So get ready for a series on dealing with depression.  I hope you will enjoy the ride!